Is Parenting Good, Better, and Heartbreaking? Yes!
The Good: My Parenting Adventure Begins
Some people jump into parenting. We didn’t. But, when we found out we were expecting our first baby, we were super happy. Pregnancy was bliss. The deep love and bond I formed while expecting each of my kids was wonderful. Every single time.
A Bit About Me
My family raised me in a latchkey home. It was lonely even though I knew I was loved. My immigrant parents both worked hard but my mom struggled juggling everything while raising us.
What I experienced shaped the kind of wife and mom I became. I am grateful my husband wanted my happiness and supported my dreams. It didn’t matter if I chose a career or remained at home.
After working in some neat places, I came home. It was time to build the kind of family I wanted. Switching gears from corporations and nonprofits came easily. My “all in” wiring drove me to pursue this part of my calling with gusto.
Whatever I didn’t know about homemaking (a lot, BTW) I was determined to learn. I spent countless hours reading books, magazines, and talking with my accomplished family and friends. My innate foodie, hospitality, and organizational gifts were finally nurtured and grew…I thrived in this new role.
Later, when we started our family, research consumed me. I studied everything I found on births, nursing, parenting, and educating our kid(s). I actually thought that I was ready and I laugh at my foolishness now. Nothing prepares you for parenting.
The Better: Wonderful, Fleeting Days
Our early years flew by. We filled them with nursing, talking, walking, reading, cooking, baking, gardening. Before we knew it — the kids formal education began. (Yes, we chose to home school.) Basic required subjects were taught. But, we also added field trips to art, history, science museums, goat farms, orchards, cheese makers. As they grew older the list expanded. Our artistic and musical kids needed ballet academies, piano, and music composition, volunteer work and summer intensives. We poured into our family and made a lifetime of memories.
Before I paint an incomplete picture, let me say that our choices didn’t make life easy for any of us. We faced difficult financial, health, relational issues like everyone else. Especially hard was the excruciating loss of our very sick, third baby. Life was never easy but love always made a way for us to keep moving forward.
The Heartbreaking: Her School is Across the Atlantic?
Before I was ready, this part of our parenting journey came to an end. Sigh.
Last year, our daughter quit dance, ballet specifically. Not an easy decision to make but the right one. This left her with a huge void that soon found an outlet in her passion for all things kitchen. My artsy firstborn chose pastry arts and chocolate making as her new career. Yay, right? Not exactly. She picked a school overseas for her training.
Regardless of the panic I felt rising, I knew it was the right decision for her. The school and country are stellar. Everything aligned for this transition and I should have been happier for her.
But, it signaled the end of her childhood and it made me sad. She WAS ready to make her dreams come true even if she was a little young and inexperienced.
I cried a lot. She prepared paperwork, clothing, passport, and met school requirements. So many questions kept running through my mind like:
Was she ready? Did we teach her everything she needed to know? Was she going to be okay? What was our home life going to be like now? Who was I if not a home school mom?
Sadness consumed me the day she left but I willed myself to drive her and my husband to the airport. I also willed myself not to bawl like a baby. She needed to draw strength and courage from me, and come what may, I wasn’t going to disappoint.
My trip home was a different story. That’s when the floodgates opened and nothing consoled. I can’t remember crying that hard in a long time.
Some parents struggle because they missed out on a lot. My pain was different. I ached because our tightly knit family was changing. I knew I was going to miss being around the fun and wonderful young woman we raised. This was going to be hard.
The next morning, though, I forced myself to dry my tears and to think only of her dreams / joy. I let go and entrusted her to God and to the good we instilled in her.
Not going to lie, my mind made the right decision but this caused a lot of heartache. The following days and months, I spent my time helping our youngest finish his junior and senior years of high school and forcing myself not to worry about her. Also began preparing myself for a new career. Homeschooling is almost at an end. I need to figure out what comes next for me.
New Season
Was life easy for her or me while she was away? Not exactly. Thanks to tech, I shared some of her journey through video chats and calls. She loved her school and trips; I prayed. She planned for six months of school, six months of an internship, and another three months of classes to receive her diploma.
Covid19 changed everything. She was home after only two school terms.
Was I relieved and happy that she was safely back at home? Yes, but I knew it was only temporary. A US internship or job was going to open up for her and she needed to take it.
Parting Once, Again
We are leaving soon and driving her to her new home. Why? She received a great job offer in her field. She is moving cross country to start her career. She is excited and committed to her new profession. We are thankful this door opened for her.
The last twenty years are a whirlwind in my mind. Last year was brutally painful and miraculously good. Crazy, huh?
7 Things I Learned:
1. The dull ache never goes away…Find healthy ways to cope. Missing your kids is normal.
2. Wish I handled many things better. Make wise choices before you hit this empty nest milestone.
3. I’m not yet sure what my next purposeful calling is. Start planning earlier than I did.
4. Parenting is fulfilling but it’s hard. Stay connected to family and friends. Their wisdom and support are so incredibly helpful and necessary. You will depend on this your entire life.
5. My home-schooled kids are not home bodies. They are secure, creative, and adventurous. Hubby and I are very glad they are. Kids come with their own calling and bent — don’t force your expectations for their future. Be supportive and at peace.
6. Wish I worried less and enjoyed them more. Please make this your consistent mindset.
7. Dreading leaving her out west. Not excited that our son will soon leave bound for college. But, I am making the most of my time with them. Please be intentional about enjoying time with your kids.
Final Thoughts
Nothing lasts forever; parenting is a short season and it is wonderful and hard all at once but worth it all.
No matter how old your kids get, or how independent they become, they will always be your kids. The relationship matures and changes but it can remain strong. Nurture it and keep praying.
Hold nothing back when you lavish your kids with love, affection, wisdom, knowledge, prayer. No time like the present. Give them your best while you are able but also prepare yourself for your next adventure. Always be grateful for the life you chose, lived, and shared.
Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions about parenting or homeschooling. Am here to help.
